I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
