mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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