i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
