I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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