It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
