WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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