I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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