Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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