He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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