Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Maybe he injected his testicle?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
