Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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