chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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