no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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