I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's a Shit stain on my heart
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
