totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize