The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
