So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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