Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
