I've blown a few things in my day
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
