Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
