I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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