You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
