oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
