4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
