nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
