Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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