I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she pinky promised me she was 18
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
