A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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