Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
