wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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