So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
