what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
