Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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