is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
