Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You took a bar mat shot.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
