Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
