everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
