Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
