Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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