Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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