Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
