Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
