At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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