never play flip cup with pint glasses
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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