Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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