the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
