Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
