me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
