Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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