You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
