My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
