tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
