Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
