Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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