All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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