Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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