i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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