I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
