I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize