I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
