Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
