i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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