You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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