brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
be right there i have to get my cape
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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