it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am midnight drunk by noon
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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