I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
