you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
