then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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