is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
They have beer where we have blood.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
