Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
