"it" just moved
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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